Think I Wanna

[Tha Q]

http://soundclick.com/share.cfm?id=11037158

[SOUNDCLICK]11037158[/SOUNDCLICK]


Beat: Diamond Styles
Hook: Q (I chose a multi-layered hook...gave me some trouble mixing...but, I'm happy with the end result)
Verses: Q
Mix: Q



Concept: Another track about expressing your feelings without compromising who you are.


Holla


1

http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...463/index.html
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...537/index.html

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Verse 1

I'm sittin here on my birthday, sittin' lonely
Not one phone call...man, if only
I could rise to the top of the building
Shake da earth like an earthquake, and kill em
Nah...I don't mean to sound sadistic
But when this shit hits me, like piles of bricks
Shit...So in this spit...I'm wild and distant
Participants lie like a child dat gets sick...
In my mom's arms...Asalamalacum
Um...arms break off when I can shake em
Off...fuck it all...I will call the race off
Cuz they...they got a false start like Usain Bolt
It ain't fair like a field slave skin...
But I still stay in good spirits can they win?
Nah..like Nas....one mic to the
Stars...I'mma blast off, then I'm gone...yall!


Verse 2

Dope...times...living in my prime...
Never knew what hit...I'm all outta time...
And theres this...scared lil kid inside
Tryna reach out, and tryna confide
My pride is hurt like child birth
I first...dats what they say...die, dirt
That's how I feel...but nobody feels me
Feels like cream filling in a twinkie...
Hidden...like hidden...city...feelin' shitty
Moms don't even call cuz I got witty
Balls to tell her, "Mom you were not there"
Now I'm forsaken like crack when cops appear
Back to my heart's fear...I'm really strugglin'
I can't trust nobody...so no body I'm fuckin' with
Fears of failure appear to tell the...lies
That I will not rise high...up to the sky



Hook: 2x

Sometimes...I think...I wanna die (die)
....(layer - Dat ain't even what I mean...I mean...that---)
Sometimes....I think...I wanna fly (fly)
.....(layer - It ain't even what it seems...I mean...that---)
..................(on the last bar say: Always (always)...Away)

(Background layer Sing: All right...it'll be All right)

[Tha Q]

eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeer up





1

[OHHipHop]

This is hot. I like the hook so I think your work was worth it. Verses are real and the delivery is cool. Beat is cool. This is album status in my eyes. Keep at it.

[Omis Cid]

the beat is good, as are the verses and the hook (multilayered hooks are always original). the second verse was a bit better than the first one for me, although both were of fairly the same quality (good, but not amazing imo). your flow is good, probably helped by the fact that you didn't rap very fast, so the lyrics go smooth with the beat.

not much to critique imo as the production quality is tip top. to be honest it could've used a third verse to beef up the song but maybe the beat itself didn't allow for that...anyway great job!

[Tha Q]

Thank u

[I-M-E]

the ends of the lines in the hook are too loud and mashed i dont even know what your saying jsut sounds like muffled.

beats cool, flow is dope, lyrics are ok, basic but fit the style of track....good track tho

[Coexist]

Whatup?

Nice choice in the instrumental. Felt your presence from the beginning on the track, something I need to work on myself.

The vocals would need a bit of equalising, as the person/people above stated. I'm not really concerned about your backing tracks, they support your primary vocals quite well.

As far as the lyrics go, the flow is on point, except I don't feel the verses, in my personal opinion, they are somewhat inconsistent with the hook. Dope concept, but I feel you could have gone into it a little deeper, extend the ideas that you brought in. With a verse like this - You don't even need to use similies to get your point across, more than actually improving the verse, they dilute the message if the comparison seems to be taking you off track. My advice might not be that grand as an audio head, but as someone that has been writing for years, I suggest you make the attempt in applying it. Try writing a verse without using much similies, re-read it, see what you're feeling in the lines you jotted down, then possibly try to channel it into another concept with the emotions expressed still intact.

Overall, you have what it takes to make some great music man. Kept it simple and easy to vibe with. My bad if I got carried away with regards to the lyrics, there's just massive potential there, can't let that go to waste.

RTF:
http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...653/index.html

Peace.

[Ace the Prophet]

Really diggin this, man. The hook sounds dope. I think at first the second part of the hook comes in super loud compared to everything else. Like that you're puttin the lyrics up with it too, lol. I love that Asalamalacum rhyme..I don't use those kinds of rhymes but I love hearing foreign words merged into english tracks. Gives it such a dope sound IMO, lol..but yo, you killed this shit man. Lovin it. Just the second part of that chorus might need to be quieted some IMO. Keep it up. RTF on "Daydream". 1

[Nika Subin]

Music production all around solid. Nothing to complain about. But since this is all about feedbacking, and feedbacking is nitpicking... here goes... please don't hate me...

The beat was tight, but didn't quite mix with the content. Maybe? It kind of seemed pretty up beat, or at least hopefull, to such weary dreary lyrics. The chorus was good, and on point. I say good, not great, because all you really did was say you want to die. That's the kind of thing that get's published in Big Whoop magazine. But... even though that's all it really consisted of, it did truly sound dope doing it. The flow of the verses... second verse on point. First verse however had some pauses or breaks that kicked things off kilter at one point. The actual lyrical quality was rather flat. I mean, shake earth like earthquake? A bit redundant. Feels like cream filling in a twinkie? What the heck does that even mean? But on the plus side, while there seems to lack a clear concise focus, the lyrics do manage to provide a sense of forebearing and depressive dread I think you were aiming for.

On a scale of one to three... I'd give it a two. Which is to say... I liked it. But it wasn't all that.

[Dox Phonic]

Haha
Cordially... Interesting pronunciation.
OK. Listening...
The hook layering is nice... but those lyrics are too generic man. If you had something that was a little more... "Oh shit... mad imagery" then the hook would have stood out more...

Your flow is a little labored... Lyrics are ok... but there are some real 'oh REAL' lines in there...
It's spelt: As-Salamu Alaikum and it means peace be with you... I didn't get the relevance to your verse though.
Your meta-flips are ok... but you could utilize them better... maybe less is more... and when I say less... only use the doper ones.

"That's how I feel...but nobody feels me
Feels like cream filling in a twinkie..."

Right there is a perfect example of one you'd probably want to avoid if you re-wrote this.

Overall it's not a bad effort man... The basics to track making are there... you're doing your thing... elevating... keep at it... do you...
Nice peep.

RTF: http://rapbattles.com/forum/showthre...740/index.html

[Keeby Swaggz]

this is aight Q, not your strongest track... the hook is the best part, the rest just feels like a few more takes mighta done it justice... lyrics are nice...