The Future

[Se7eN]

Title: The Future



The future brings things, we cannot dream or think
Immortality, to a human being, or disappearing in a blink
I shrink of knowledge, known and where I can roam
Like plastic, drastic, things ahead stretch in front like foam
The past is gone, it’s sold, to the very depths of my soul
So I embrace the future, with a fear but yet a tight hold
The future hold’s life and death, you can only think and guess
How long your going to live, or if you will ever be the best
The rode ahead has as much pain, as it has been plaguing your brain
Who knows who’ll you’ll meet, where their from, wats their name
So live everyday, like it’s your last, don’t worry about the past
Cause the future is ahead, don’t let it turn and kick you in your ass

[Se7eN]

can I have some feedback on this piece so i know wat to elevate on in my poems

[Steven William]

pretty decent...
good concept stayed on topica
not very good imagery tho...
good vocab and internals and
it flowed nicely...
hit up my\/
Forest Of Agony

[.:LadySage:.]

This was a decent piece.
It was lacking emotion, and didn't give a push to make the reader want to continue to read. You want to make your pieces have a strong impact. Playing with word usage and elevation of vocab could possibly help you out but you don't want to sound like an idiot using big words just for the hell of it. To me it seemed like you was trying to rhyme too hard. There's nothing wrogn with rhyming but a forced rhyme takes away from the piece.

I shrink of knowledge, known and where I can roam
Like plastic, drastic, things ahead stretch in front like foam

^Example
you want your lines to make sense, don't just put words down because they sound the same
I think if you work on that, you'll be straight
^constructive criticism^
keep elevating hun